Stand Up Stand Firm

I had a bit of a scare this past week. I was feeling some chest pain and after a few days decided to get it checked out. After several hours, a few tests, and two hits of Nitroglycerin they sent me home. They said I need more tests but it may be Angina or an inflammation in my lung or heart lining. Either way it scared me enough that I have to take stock of my life and make some serious changes.

I started to think about my life and how I consider myself to be strong, strong willed, a fighter and definitely not a quitter. I always say that as long as you get back up after being knocked down you are not a quitter. Staying down has never been my style. Over the years I have been knocked down more times than I care to mention. So much that I am getting tired of getting back up. Now I tell myself that even though I may be getting up slower I am still getting up.

However, I recently took a good, hard, long look at my life. When I got honest with myself I wondered how I allowed my family and I to get where we are today. I suddenly realized that I am no longer getting back up, that perhaps I am only sitting up. This way I don't have to exert myself and use all of my energy to stand up just to get knocked back down. Also, the fall won't be as far if I am only sitting up. Standing is so much further up than sitting.

Basically, I have decided to take it easy on myself, sit it out and lie to myself that I am not quitting because I am still getting up. So I decided to not take it easy any more. I started exercising, organizing, setting goals, and putting in a real effort to make my life what I want it to be. Now this shot to the chest just makes me realize that I need to take it even more seriously. Even if it turns out to be nothing it scared me enough. For the first time in my life I realize that I am mortal after all. I don't like feeling mortal. I am supposed to be the invincible husband and father.

Right now I have three extremely smart and talented kids that I cannot help facilitate their dreams. My job is going nowhere with very few hours each week. I'm 46 and out of shape, although not too bad for my age. I'm smart, strong as an ox, a real fighter, and scared as hell. Not exactly a great mix. On top of that while my wife and I were considering being done having children because, we have tried for years to have one more with no success and were told it wouldn't happen again, we found out that we are going to have another one. That's right, my wife is pregnant. Now is not the time to find out I'm not indestructible. We are very happy but now concerned for my health.

Basically what I am saying is that I am dusting myself off, pulling off the EKG tabs, sinking my fists into the earth, pushing myself up to a full and upright position. I am Standing Up, Standing Firm and I am telling this gig called life to get the hell out of the way because I am controlling my life and circumstances not the other way around. I hope anyone who comes here to read will support my efforts, cheer me on and while locking arms we can all help each other get where ever it is we feel we need to be. Thanks for listening. Now you all Stand Up, Stand Firm and stay the course. Stop sitting down and lying to yourself and I promise to do the same.